THAT WEIGHT LOSS THING YOU’RE DOING…YEAH… IT AIN’T GONNA WORK!!

Look, I know you want to be thin and trim like yesterday!  You struggle to find the “trick” that’s gonna have you beach & bikini ready, new man/woman gettin’ ready, be jealous b#$%h ready, get back at the dude that dumped you ready… all of that!! Believe me, I feel you.  I, my friends, understand that more than you will ever know. Let’s start from the beginning… This is me circa 2011: before Look at me.. don’t I look like I could have had a staring role in the Klumps??!! It’s ok, I know it’s true. Do you know how I got to look like this?  No?  Ok…I will tell you.  In April  2007, my divorce was final.  At 37, I was suddenly left with two children, ages 13 and 7, a full time job and all of the responsibility of heading a household.  At that point in my life, much of my self-esteem  was very much tied to the fact that I was successful in my career and that I was married.  So, with the marriage gone to S@#T, I fell into a depression. I stopped being the active woman I was and instead opted to just work, mother my children and sulk. Oh, the craptastic pity parties that I would throw in my basement or on my back deck were EPIC!   My favorite past time was drinking wine, smoking cigs and talking on the phone to my girlfriends until the wee hours of the morning (Insomnia anyone).  I was the inspiration for the that phrase “BYE FELICIA!!!” (How these ladies didn’t grow tired of me & remained my friend I will never know) To make matters worse, toward the end of 2007, I was let go from my high profile job 2 weeks before Christmas.  I was devastated!  So, the two things that made me feel like somebody ( my job and my husband) were gone.  Now what??? What should I do to make things better? Oh, I know…. EAT!  EAT some more!!!  Mmmmmm….bread and pasta seem like good options.  Ham and Mac n’ cheese?  Sounds good !! Buy more wine! Maybe some more cigarettes?  Well if I’m gonna be fat… I might as well go all out and screw up my heart and lungs too! Now, like I said that pic up there is from 2011….4 years post divorce.  During those 4 years there were times when I would get real clear about my obesity and my out of control behavior.  It was then that I would waste my money on the real dumb S#^&T.   How did Holly spend thousands of dollars and still look like a Klump you may ask? Let’s review, shall we?

1. Body Magic – this is a current day torture garment for fat girls.  It squeezes your body until you can barely breathe.  Guarantees you look two sizes smaller.  Funny, it can’t do anything about your fat legs,arms or face(but that’s beside the point). Your upper body looks great.  Don’t drink too much while wearing this device as going to the toilet can be very dicey.  A spontaneous night of cuddle time with your boo- forget about it. I’m certain I scared of at least two dudes during this period.  Can you imagine dating someone that appears normal who suddenly turns into Violet Beauregarde from Willy Wonka? fat blueberrynormal girl Body Magic Trust me, I never looked as happy as this chick ^^^^^^^when I was wearing it.

2. Phentermine pills – ok.  now the phentermine works on your brain so that you always feel full.  You eat just a little something to stay alive and the pill does the rest. With these pills, I would say I lost about 30 lbs.  Unfortunately, without learning how to properly eat and exercise.  I regained all the weight within a year’s time.

3.  Liquid “Cleansing” – I’ve done the “Master Cleanse”  where I would mix water with honey, cayenne pepper and lemon.   I then only ate blended fruit for a while.  All because some schmo told me that the reason I was fat was because I needed to detox my body.  Then when I lost weight, they said “See!!! I told you so!!  ”  Let’s see here… was I losing weight because I was “detoxing” or was I losing weight because I was only drinking this stupid liquid?  Guess what people, after I stopped with the “cleanse”  the weight came back and it brought friends!!!

4. Weight Watchers, Nutrisystem, Medifast – Hundreds upon hundreds of bucks spent on this processed, nasty tasting crap!   I would talk more about it, but just the thought of this “food” makes me want to puke! So you see, you name it… I’ve bought it and tried it.  But at the end of the day, I was still fat.   I was even more depressed – too tired to exercise.  I had no idea how to properly nourish myself. Oh and did I say I was still fat?  5’9″ nearly 250 lbs…a Klump! Over the next couple of years.. I got hit with some pretty heavy health issues & life changes, I knew I needed to get off this cycle of gaining weight, losing weight, gain it back, feel bad about myself… REPEAT.   It had to stop!  This blog will take you through what I did to finally break the cycle. I will share all sorts of nutrition information, recipes, fitness tips and most importantly… I will make sure to debunk all the crap about weight loss and fitness that you’ve been hearing for years.    I hope to make you laugh, inspire you to keep trying and let you know that you are not alone.   I want you to understand you are more than a number on a scale, the brown sugar cinnamon Pop Tart you ate this morning, or that roll of fat on your back.   You are wonderful a person who needs help.   I got help and when I finally understood how to properly nourish my mind body & soul… this is what happened IMG_1577 - CopyIMG_1585 I’m telling you… you can become a healthier version of yourself!   All you need is “Nutrition (well done) With A Side of Fitness” See you soon!

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